Let’s keep it fat man ARMPIT FUNKY
→ we all do it either RELIGIOUSLY
or unintentionally, but it gets done. We might CHILD’S PLAY like we don’t when we get around a certain echelon people → but we do it → even if we’re just listening and not really saying anything.
We bash celebrities. We GOSSIP about shit that has absolutely nothing to do with us outside of being spectators of it.
We say shit BEHIND PEOPLE’S BACKS even if we have NO QUALMS about kickin’ that same verse TO THEIR FACE and → blahzay → blahzay → whoopty pop.
We do it because it’s entertaining. All bullshit aside, if the right person has taken the lead in the commentary, talking about people can be as entertaining as television…even more entertaining at times. It makes us laugh. It makes us feel better about ourselves. It’s just a part of HUMAN NATURE
at this point. But…some of you bastards take the shit a little too far.
What Igh wanna comment on is how fuckin opinionated and vicious EVERYONE has become. Igh swear to everything’s that’s green on the face of the Earth it’s like people these days derive some sick sense of enjoyment out of mollywhopping any and everybody from TRAYVON MARTIN
MIKE BROWN
(yes I’ve seen some deplorable bullshit written about these poor young men. Surprisingly there were none of Jordan Davis.) to Snooki (no comment → Igh love her persona)
and it’s usually in written format on some Blog designed to elicit such malicious badinage. It’s as though certain celebrities are triggers in the mind’s of these people and when they see that person’s name, something within them snaps and they sprout fangs and their eyes turn black and shit and they literally transform into VICIOUS, SNARLING BEASTS with a blood-thirst for the status certain individuals have attained.
Mind you we tend to forget that behind all the pomp, circumstance, glitz, glam, red carpets, video shoots, and big budget stage productions and what not → these are human beings who did not forfeit their human feelings when they signed recording contracts or sporting contracts and shit like that. They still bleed and shed tears like we do.
Death to whomever started this “HATER” epidemic because they are responsible for this venom.
Yeah y’all thought y’all were shedding light on people who be out there wishing ill will on the successful → but what has happened is like a hater demon has possessed → well shit all of us. People bash Beyonce’ for so many reasons Igh can’t be bothered to list them.
They bash Fantasia for swag surfin’ between the sheets with that light-skinned dude with the good hair and for her reading struggle (after she had a come to Jesus meeting about it in the hope that it would bring attention to adult illiteracy).
They bash Jennifer Hudson for her weight-loss → talking about her head is way too big for her body now and sayin’ she’s in The Lollipop Guild and has parentheses on her face.
They bash Wendy Williams for her stature & wig addiction and say she should be a starting lineman for the Lingerie Football League (but she talks so much shit about people it’s kinda like poetic justice).
They bash Kim Kardashian for her alleged vaginal escapades and lack of talent → but who needs talent when you’re desirable, understand business, and already came from money? Then you have the bitches (MALE & FEMALE) talkin about she only got famous because she sucked. And you didn’t get famous for sucking dick?eating pussy/eating ass. You mad or nah?
THERE WERE LITERALLY SEAUX MANY, IGH HAD TO CUT MYSELF OFF!!!!!
They bash Brandy for that car wreck she had years ago and slander her with insults like have a seat murderer. And folks are still hung up on the fact that she lied about being married because she was pregnant and of course at the time, only girls considered “heauxz” were getting pregnant out of wedlock. Fuck if you were in a long-term relationship.
They loved Frank Ocean → until he let them know that forever was actually a man he was thinkin’ about. And trust and believe Igh geaux hard all damn day on certain archetypes that amuse me too → so don’t think Igh’m throwing stones → because Igh have a pocket full weighing me down as well.
We → as a society → pop mad shit about BULLYING and pretend we have issues with it → but truth be told → there are times when we find the shit amusing.
AND THAT’S MORE OFTEN THAN NOT. People teach their kids that “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Try telling that to the countless kids and Igh stress KIDS who’ve taken their own lives because of incessant teasing and verbal bullying. The movie BULLY even depicted an 11-YR OLD who’d taken his own life because of bullying, seaux telling kids to have thick skin and suck it up is like telling them it’s OKAY TO BE MADE FUN OF AND PICKED ON because it’s a part of growing pangs. The problem is that distinctions between teasing and bullying aren’t being taught, seaux many times the antagonist fails to think much of the impact that their words are having or to see beyond a simple statement and how it can adversely affect someone’s emotional statement which in turn can lead to other issues.
Okay, okay, okay Igh got a little sidetracked and hot under the collar right there, but Igh did seaux because it would be one thing if these vicious attacks were reserved only for celebrities, but they aren’t. Everybody’s going in on everybody. You could argue that celebrity bullying is an occupational hazard that comes as a consequence for fame, but when your average Joe is getting memed and ridiculed across the planet, things have spiraled out of control → now back to these cyber-bullies. Here’s what 187s me → Why is it that jokers who soapbox about their alleged loathing of certain celebrities are the very ones who stalk their every itch, scratch, fart, sniff, and public gaffe? What kind of fucked up, backwoods type of hatred is that which makes one obsess about every move the object of one’s supposed disdain and disgust makes? Peep game → in high school → for instance → if Igh didn’t fuck with somebody on a friendship type of level → Igh sure as hell didn’t sit with them at assemblies. Igh didn’t accompany them to Pizza Hut, Taco Bell, or Burger King for lunch. Igh didn’t attend sporting events they participated in with the sole intention of returning to school and bad-mouthing their performance. So what type of one flew over the cuckoo’s nest individual subtracts time from their existence to spew venom about someone they can’t stand → on a continual basis at that #SweetBrown. The answer to that question would be someone who needs to invest wholeheartedly into a reputable LIFE COACH!!!!!
It’s one thing if you’re asked directly what your opinion of a celebrity (or some average Joe on Facebook even) is → but it’s a horse of an entirely different color for you to plop your self-righteous, indignant, pseudo-bourgeois, he who is without sin lookin’ ass down to log onto your computer or phone apps several times a day seeking whom you may devour with your scripted bile.
That being said, pawn your lace-front wig and loose leaf tracks at the Korean beauty supply store and buy you some business.
They say karma’s a bitch → but she’s far more than spiteful, overbearing, and lewd. She’s a vindictive life assassin whose calculated interruptions to the placidity of your life are stealthy and often far outweigh the original offense you committed and Igh hope she’s on her period when she comes for yeaux ass. Seaux geaux right on ahead and continue to vomit your unfavorable opinions all over the blogosphere. When people start gossiping about you at church and in the workplace and jeopardize your good standing in the community and shit like that, don’t play the victim role for you wrote an open-ended invitation for that backlash, so suck it up.
HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE
The Unicorn Shit Section
Saturday, October 11, 2014 8:02P – It’s seaux polite dogs and cats cover their excrement.
8:23P – My sister just got off the phone with me because she was nervous that she and her husband were driving near the Mexico border. Ó_ò
8:24P – My son just told his friends that he’s a god.
9:36P – When you flush the toilet and piss in perfect synchronicity. #GodWink
10:44P – Thanks for the cookies even theaux Igh had to break them up into little pieces and pop them like they were aspirin.
Sunday, October 12, 2014 8:58A –
9:03A –
9:06A –
9:09A –
9:12A – https://soundcloud.com/chris-qainey/august-alsina-ft-chris-brown
9:13A –
9:15A –
9:19A – https://soundcloud.com/chrisbrownrca/tuesday-remix-chris-brown-trey-songz
9:26A –
9:29A –
9:34A –
9:42A – At my funeral, when they lower me into the ground, Igh demand that “Don’t Drop That Thun Thun” be played!
12:40P – What’s the point of being alive if you don’t at least try to do something remarkable?
12:47P – Farm girls give the best hand jobs. NARF!
2:08P – Igh wonder whose bright idea it was to pair Avant with the Ying Yang Twins.
2:48P – Just soaking my feet in peroxide. That’s all.
5:09P – You now have the privilege of hearing a dog speak in tongues under the influence of the Holy Ghost!! 🙌
10:03P – Discovered the muthafuckin egg foo yung sandwich.
Monday, October 13, 2014 7:02A – My palm is itching. Come thru money!!!!!
8:08A – OMFG listen to this common fangtooth aka Anoplogaster cornuta hit a C above High C during birth https://soundcloud.com/triston-for-dummies/pretty-boy
8:23P – Putting lotion on ashy ranks right up there with an orgasm or shit relief.
8:53A –
8:55A –
9:00A –
9:16A –
9:32A – While Igh laughed til Igh almost pooted listening to snippets of Traci Braxton’s cd, Tamar was wrong as shit as a sister for that snarky as tweet –> Do the Grammys have a duet with auto tune category yet? Cause…💺👎 <– even theaux the shit is funny, you don’t do that to your family. But how this heaux gon name her CD “Crash & Burn” knowing good and damn well she sing like Cleveland Brown. The Recording Academy should lend her a Grammy just seaux she can bloop Tamar.
9:54A – Instagram filters are like Vaseline for some of y’all muthafuckas dusty ass lives. Mine included. My whole town is dusty. Everywhere Igh take a picture is dusty. Except city hall…..which is a renovated school. #TheSticks #SmallTownBoy #NeauxScenery Oh Igh forgot about the Hilton. It’ll be dusty in a year after it’s been sufficiently ran thru by our dusty asses.
10:07A – MUST LISTEN!!! Audio of Joan Rivers (RIP) performing Busta Rhymes verse on 🎶Look at Me Now🎶 https://soundcloud.com/triston-for-dummies/eidexis-beautiful-9
10:16A – Lawton is Satan’s trap house.
10:47P – #PimpSquadBaby
10:58A – Igh just wanna look brilliant in my boxer briefs.
11:16A – BREAKING: @amandabynes releases DubStep remix to Celine Dion’s 🎶My Heart Will Go On🎶 #Listen https://soundcloud.com/triston-for-dummies/ill-keep-fucking-with-you-the
11:48A – Same dick. Different mouth.
12:29P – 💮
1:40P – Sharkeisha might punch like Mike Tyson, but her voice is as sweet as Aaliyah’s! Check out her 🎶Careless Whispers🎶 rendition https://soundcloud.com/triston-for-dummies/eidexis-beautiful-9
Quiet as kept, there a little nerd who rests his head on my heart each night when Igh sleep and when he saw these 4 pics below, he jizzed and it gave me heartburn. His name is Egbert and he doesn’t like marinara sauce or EDM. He’s crazy about dubstep theaux.
And now Egbert is resting again.
IN THE PAST 40 YEARS, EARTH HAS LOST 50% OF ITS WILDLIFE!!!!!!!!!!
CLEARLY IGH HAVE NEAUX FUCKIN FRIENDS BECAUSE NEAUX GOTDAMN BODY TOLD ME ABOUT THE FREAK SHIT THAT GOES DOWN ON TWITTER. HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR ONE OF MY FOLLOWEES FAVORITING AND RETWEETING SOME NASSY SHIT, IGH’D STILL BE IN THE DARK…..YA BISH!!!! SHOW ME THE NAUGHTY!!!!
https://twitter.com/inyourbed42/status/521739778111586306
https://twitter.com/inyourbed42/status/509081653256654848
https://twitter.com/inyourbed42/status/521738960914374656
https://twitter.com/satguy3/status/521734748990091265
ANYBODY NEED A WET WIPE OR A MOIST TOILETTE? NARF!!!!!
5:28P – Igh view a laugh and an orgasm the same way. As long as Igh get one, neaux one else matters. #Yomp
Tuesday, October 13, 2014
7:13A – Bruh!!! Listen to Whoopi Goldberg sing Weird Al Yankovic’s 🎶Amish Paradise🎶 https://soundcloud.com/triston-for-dummies/one-puff-the-colorado-remix
10:06A – Igh performed this entire song using the Darth Vader method of breathing while wearing Spanx https://soundcloud.com/triston-for-dummies/perfectly-clear
12:33P- Remember when people had mirrors in other places within their home besides the bathroom? Igh’m sick of bathroom selfies.
7:33P –
Wednesday, October 14, 2014 9:31A
10:10A – Let me catch up on the BET HIPHOP AWARDS
10:20A – The Taylor Gang cypher was like watching an elderly couple slow grind: awkward, boring, yet slightly laughable. Why come Igh could see the veins in Wiz Khalifa’s kneecaps through his pants theaux?
10:29A – The Lil Mama Brooklyn Cypher:
Why come Troy Ave look like the deacon who wears a blue suit and has a pink blotch in the center of his black lips? He look like he sell fish plates and hot water cornbread after service.
Detroit Che is a beast. She went in, came back out, looked around, saw that neauxbody was hittin on shit, and went in again. That is all.
Glad Igh watched the cypher before Igh saw this.
And Dee-1 sounds just like her. Ba! But he wrecked. He kinda look like J. Cole in a dreadlock wig theaux. #ThatTooth.
Logic is a dope kid. That Opie Taylor with a dope look might be a seller, but he kinda looks like Little Debbie….the snack cake heaux, not the rapper!! The kid is a beast on the mic theaux.
Lil Mama was far too animated for that etch-a-Sketch 8 bars she performed. Igh’m sure at this point she realizes people think she’s a joke seaux she should really stop doing shit reminiscent of a jester. Sad part is the only place we’ll probably ever hear these people is on ViewHipHopEarly.com on Twitter or whatever the hell it’s called.
LY MURKED THIS RIGHT HERE THEAUX!!!!!
10:54A – The Treach Cypher:
WAYMENT!!!! Where’d the find the carcass of Treach at? Vic Mensa’s hair looks like an accident….like fried, dyed, and lain by the wayside. And he has a speech impediment that could warrant a disability check. He spittin, but David Banner is distracting me behind him lookin like a greasy Colonel Sanders selling bean pies and shit.
KID IS MADD DOPE!!!! AND THIS SONG AND VIDEO ARE THE DEFACATION BRUH!!!!!
Snow Tha Product. She…..cute. Like she could get it. She needs to sort out her breathing a bit. She wrecked it theaux. Igh think. Igh needed Rosetta Stone or Google Translate for 3/4 of it. Joseline gon She-Hulk that ass for that shade at the end theaux. Damn shame that that particular name drop was the highlight of your verse theaux. #PopCulture.
King Los’ wordplay is phenomenal. He was dressed like Beyoncè theaux. #NiggazInParis #FaceAss. Kinda ironic that the name of the song below is “Woke Up Like Dat” LOL!!!!!
Treach tried. Igh mean he didn’t just suck flat out, but you could definitely tell that the art form has progressed since he was in his prime. He started strong, but glimpses of the 90s started flickering within his cadence at times.
David Banner is my hero…..lacefront beard and all. Round of applause for silencing the music seaux that the enunciation of every fiber of frustration you felt exiting the tip of the felt could be felt by the audience. Your words were both powerful and poignant. SALUTE!!!!! #NeauxBargaining #Justice
11:18P – The Papoose Cypher: Jarren Benton…first of all it took me long as shit to write his name because racist ass Siri kept changing the shit to Kareem! The tail on this niggas’ Daniel Boone hat was longer than Lisa’s train in Coming to America. Oh neaux it’s not. Igh’m just having hallucinations in the absence of my nerds. He bodied the cypher…..slightly. Igh just hate when rappers are more animated than their voice.
Whoa! Igh thought Corey Charron was retarded when he first started. Frfr. Eh <– his verse left something to be desired.
Seaux this Papoose/Remy Ma tag team verse theaux. Theeeeeeeey coulda kept that shit. It was cheesy, corny, and only had a couple two three reputable punchlines. Remy’s cleavage was a show stopper theaux and did Igh detect a little Nicki hate couple with a slight Beyonce obsession? Hmmmmm.
11:40A – The Loaded Lux Cypher:
Well how uncool am Igh? Never even heard or saw the name Lord Lux before, but he’s on BET and Igh’m not. #SmirkEmoji Oops –> it’s Loaded Lux. #YikesEmoji. Who are these niggas? O.T. Genasis is moving around like Forest Gump before he ran his leg braces off! That shit was fuckin awkward….on some Igh got uncomfortable for you while Igh was watching you type shit. He can rap, but he needs to find his X factor because something is getting lost in translation.
#ThewThewThewYeauxStylistForThatVideo #LeatherFatigues
All Igh think about when Kevin Gates is in my eyes is bad breath. Hot, thick spit in the corners of ya mouth, tongue kinda ashy breath. Is this nigga fat or skinny theaux? Old Build-A-Bear built ass!! Nigga look like he eat bread slices and graham crackers for snacks all day. Oddly enough, this was my first time hearing him wrap. I’ve heard him in several interviews, but have never taken an interest enough to you to one of his songs. The man can actually wrap. He still eat booty theaux. #YuckEmoji.
Clark Kent Igh mean G-Eazy….in that every cypher had a token White person this year it seems. Neaux seriously that was a complete thought. Ok, he can rap, but it wasn’t to the point that Igh’m clamoring to hear his music. (It was at this point that Igh remembered what Igh’d written my blog about. Such a fucking hypocrite LOL, but in my defense, Igh did admit that Igh’m guilty of the shit too. SMMFH we gotta do better!!!!!
Tbh by the time Loaded Lux came on, Igh was tired of listening to cyphers. Igh heard words that were exceedingly clever, but Igh really watching the seconds run out.
2:43P – Seaux Kevin Gates and Young Thug both feel it’s not the responsibility of artists to speak on social issues. Gates seemingly has the propensity to engage in intellectual conversation regarding issues that affect the world, the Black community, etc. yet continually uses the weak ass phrase “Igh cannot speak intelligently about a situation Igh know nothing about” to absolve himself from accountability for his opinions while Young Thug reverts to the most niggardly shit Igh’ve seen in an interview in a moment. He defers to having fun and living the life rather than even attempting to proffer a response.
These types of apathy (Gates) and ignorance (Thug) are what’s wrong in the world today. SMMFH!!!! Kudos to Charlamagne the God for being aware enough to understand the importance of speak up about things that matter universally.
3:01P – The server crashed when Igh was watching these cyphers earlier….and this is truly the best one of em all.
Well, it’s been real. Igh’ve got some shit to do, but Igh hope y’all enjoy. Now geaux perform oral sex on a random stranger!!!!! And now Igh leave you with poetry in motion. lol
thetristonfordummies 