Triston for Dummies Thursdays: #TBT, Selfie-Centered, Burdens On My Back & Chips On My Shoulders

https://soundcloud.com/triston-for-dummies/perfectly-clear

What’s the damn deal pussy poppers and dick slangers? Igh hope you whores have had a blessed and highly favored week since Igh last chopped it up with y’all and Igh mean that from the bottom of my heart a little bit. Seaux every time Igh say Igh am going to take a break off from blogging or bitching and complaining or talking shit out the side of my neck or however the fuck it y’all are delineating my weekly musings, Igh come across something that inspires me to get back on top of this shit and pound it like pussy with neaux walls. Seaux without further ado (yes it’s ado, not or do ya bish)…..LEGGEAUX!!!!!!

Before Igh dive right into the blogging, let me take a moment to give the breaux Jacobi Isham a special shout out for the work he’s been putting in for the Winter 2015 release of his clothing line BOMBnCOMS!!!!! Igh love see young, Black men not only with vision, but with the dedication, commitment to hard work, and perseverance to see their vision come to fruition. Not to mention that the fact that he’s a fellow Lawtonian, seaux he gets my undying support off top!!!!! Igh implore each and everyone of you to take a moment and review his goods as well as lend your support to his endeavors. We must rally behind those who are trying to launch ventures locally seaux that we can contribute to their success. We as a community have grown accustomed to being leary of supporting one another wholeheartedly and this fucked up mentality has landed us at the bottom of the economic totem pole over and over again. Now is the time to set in motion actions that we allow us to rise above our current lot in life. Might as well start by supporting the breaux.

“Our Winter ’15 Collection is a 4-piece set comprised of a tee, hooded tee, hoodie, and a crew neck. All of our themes and designs are rooted in our name, Burdens On My Back & Chips On My Shoulders. In our debut collection we wanted to establish a brand presence that actually meant something. Check the link to the blog below for an in-depth look into each piece in the collection.

First, our tee is titled “Potential”. Everyone has heard “yea, you got potential” one way or another whether it be as an athlete, scholar, side chick, etc. I always saw “You have potential.” as “You aren’t good enough.” (yet–from the well-intetioned). “Potential” embodies the snarky response that replies “I’m good enough now”. Tell ’em quit sleeping, we out here.

 

We want to give value to customers lives, not just their closets. We plan on doing that by giving people a brand to relate to and be a part of, whether consciously or subconsciously. We believe that everyone has a come up of some kind and we want to embody a prevailing mentality regardless of what adversities stand in the way through high quality clothing. All of our products are made with 100% organic cotton and imported in from China.” – Jacobi Isham

EarHustlin’ is what we call our hooded tee. Multi-toned black and white, the angel and demon in this piece contrasts with the black background as the Bible verse wrapped around the bottom juxtaposes it’s white background. Here we wanted to symbolize the human conscience and the ongoing game of tug-a-war in our minds between our vices and virtues, not to mention the voices that always seem confident about the bullshit they say versus the voices that seem like the homies (you the real MVP).

http://www.bombncoms.com/blog/winter2015lookbook/

A third piece in our Winter ’15 Capsule is a hoodie entitled Burdens that shows the obstacles people go through and face on the daily (yo…don’t lie). The burdens that add up in our lives can make life a 2014 Lakers season debut but still…we keep it moving. Hence the back, bottom line text, we turn burdens on our backs to chips on our shoulders.

bombncoms.com

Finally our fourth piece of the lookbook, Tradish. Tradish is our cornerstone, casual crewneck. This was the first design we had ever made and actually almost trashed. We decided to go through with it on a grey crewneck with black sleeves where one sleeve reads “burden to a chip”. We infused a baseball type of lettering with our logo in the middle and added some extras that all come together to form a really dope piece. After almost trashing it, we decided (realized) that Tradish gives an accurate background and is a foundational piece to our brand. Established in 2013 against all odds. BOMB&COMS

You can find us at:

facebook.com/BOMBnCOMS

Twitter/IG: @BOMBnCOMS

http://instagram.com/p/u1RT8dBepb/

THROWBACK THURSDAY: 2001, A little something Igh wrote 13 years ageaux #IghBeenOn

VANILLA vs. CHOCOLATE or CHOCOLATE-VANILLA SWIRL

Seaux it seems that BET has been on the come-up since its purchase by Viacom, but if you ask me, and really if you don’t, we need to take a closer look at what’s really going on. By taking an examining look, it becomes apparent that the networks’ authenticity is being sacrificed in order to make it more of a carbon copy of other networks (i.e. MTV & VH1) that have found success based upon the music video market. Let’s face it, the powers that be have ripped off every MTV show, bootlegged them, given them new names, and presented them to the BET viewing audience as an “all-new lineup of shows”. Think about it! Is 106 & Park not just the “Black” version of Total Request Live (TRL)? BET has BET Style, but if you think back, Cindy Crawford and Molly Sims both hosted MTV’s House of Style way before BET’s version was ever thought of and hit the airwaves. The Real World premiered on MTV over a decade ageaux and still garners a huge following for the network and now BET has College Hill, which is simply a low-budget knockoff of the original, with a slight twist, of course, in that it is focused solely on the collegiate population. The list goes on and as Igh make mention of a few more, Igh think you’ll begin to notice a pattern. For instance, MTV has Cribs, which reveals to the world just how lavish, lush, and luxurious our favorite celebrities are living and BET has, well what d you know, How I’m Living. MTV’s Making the Video grants the viewing public access to the behind the scenes footage that chronicles just what it took to produce a video and BET has Access Granted which achieves the same end.

MTV’s popular booze-fest, Spring Break, gives an inside look at how out of control both high school and college students get for the duration of about one week’s vacation during their Spring semester of school each year and BET’s Spring Bling, does exactly the same thing, only on a much smaller scale. Rap City’s Da Basement is a reincarnation of Yo! MTV Raps. Blowin’ Up Fatty Koo is most assuredly a rip off of Making the Band. Although they are no longer on the air, The Tom Green Show and Hits from the Street were definitely cut from the same cloth, or should Igh say someone stole pieces of reel from the cutting room floor at MTC and inserted Hits into the sketches. Then you have the MTV and BET Awards, enough said. It really is sad because it’s almost like BET is trying to keep up with the Jones’ on this as opposed to defining the face it presents to the world for itself. The network executives got rid of one of the most original and entertaining hosts that ever appeared on air, C.I.T.A. She defined BET in a way that all other hosts had been unable to do. She was smart, witty, sassy, sarcastic, aware, funny, and computer generated, seaux the scope of possibility in which she could be used was infinite. Igh must say that Igh am really disappointed that BET, the station that was supposed to retain the African-American interest at its heart, can now easily be called Black-face Entertainment Television or the Black Puppet Show, because Igh doubt very seriously that African-Americans are pulling the strings around there and am skeptical in believing that there are really any African-Americans who have any pull whatsoever. These are the ranting thoughts of me, Triston for Dummies. If you don’t like what Igh have to say then you are probably out of touch with reality, face it. Igh’ll geaux on record as saying that we as African-Americans have to do better for ourselves, otherwise Igh’ll continue to piss people off with my opinions. Igh’ll holla. #TBT

CLUSTERFUCK: Craola

   

Question:

Are selfies making us self-centered?

There’s a meme floating around that says something to the effect: WE SPEND MORE TIME LOOKING AT MIRRORS AND PHONES THAN WE DO LOOKING AT ACTUAL PEOPLE. It doesn’t matter where you geaux these days (Wal-Mart, car wash, Church’s Chicken, Laundromat, Quincinera, DHS, Bar Mitzvah, abortion clinic) you are bound to see at least one person feverishly snapping pictures of themselves. We are out of fucking control with it…..in line at the grocery store or waiting for coffee at Starbuck’s, with the pastor after he’s prayed a pussy demon up out of you; in the hospital with tubes and machines hooked up to you; even inside the movie theatre while the movie has been underway for 30 minutes. People’s apartment building can be burning down and Igh guarantee you there’ll be at least one chick who just got her hair and eyelashes done trying to upload a quick pic in front of the flames because her edges are on FLEEK!!!!! Fuck the bride coming down the aisle, everybody wants a candid of themselves during her stroll. Igh’m willing to bet there are thousand upon thousand of selfies on Instagram right now that have been taken at some poor, unfortunate soul’s funeral. Neaux fucking chill in sight.

Igh’m guilty and Igh’ve been the victim of it. Igh’ve been out with a group of people trying to have a good time and not succeeding and it never fails that when the boredom or whatever the encumbrance too my good time becomes too much, Igh whip out my phone and start doling out seaux much light-skin face that the browner folks in my company start squinting and furrowing their brow without knowing why. Igh’ve alseaux had a chick whip out her phone and have an impromptu photo shoot on me. The sad part is, Igh didn’t even get offended. Igh hopped in a couple of hers to make some “usies”, then started snapping pics of myself. It’s like selfies are the new small talk. When all else fails, snap a selfie face ass.

Do y’all know how crazy we look to older generations? But hold up, what cracks me up more than anything are those people who love to snap pics of themselves, but swear up and down they don’t take selfies. Yeah okay nigga. And my momma don’t bake cakes either. She just cooks fluffy bread products with icing on them. It’s amazing to see the paradigm shift as people become more and more narcissistic. This is essentially why Igh’ve taken to calling everyone whores. It’s what we do. We prostitute our free time for likes and comments. Some of us will never admit it, but we crave the attention and are obsessed with the fleeting adoration. Igh’m just waiting for someone to say that they are addicted to notifications. WAYMENT!!!!!! Igh’ve already said that, seaux Igh guess Igh’m waiting to hear some other muthafuck to say it lol.

CLUSTERFUCK: artbyaz

The Sad Hatter

The American Dream is a national ethos of the United States, a set of ideals in which freedom includes the opportunity for prosperity and success, and an upward social mobility achieved through hard work. In the definition of the American Dream by James Truslow Adams in 1931, “life should be better and richer and fuller for everyone, with opportunity for each according to ability or achievement” regardless of social class or circumstances of birth. The idea of the American Dream is rooted in the United States Declaration of Independence which proclaims that “all men are created equal” and that they are “endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable Rights” including “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” #Wikipedia. We were raised on the teet of the American Dream. It both fed and nourished our very existence from the point at which we first developed cognitive thought. It guided us in the way we viewed the world and was at the helm of our aspirations. It became our trusty steed waiting to gallop us into the sunset of a bright and bustling future. It was to be our very own Manifest Destiny. 

 The problem with the American Dream is that it doesn’t prepare us for the American reality. You see the American Dream doesn’t prepare you for the first time you’re called a nigger just for waking up with your soul encased within the very flesh that was chosen for you by whatever supreme power withholds the sovereignty to make such selections. The American Dream does not prepare you for that pedophile in family friend’s clothing who likes to prey upon the weak and defenseless when no one with enough strength to intervene is looking. The American Dream does not prepare you for racial profiling, being falsely accused of date rape, gender inequality, and IRS audits.

The American Dream offers no tutorial in predatory lending practices, interest rates, or eviction notices. There are no guidance counselors standing by to assist you in traversing the landscape of a diminished job market. There are no mentors within reach to show you how to balance your checkbook. You see the American Dream is very adept in teaching us to imagine what life could be, but it fails in preparing us for the horrors of what life really is: Prostitution, drug addition, self-loathing, identity crisis, and mental illness. Rather than prepare us for anything, the American Dream essentially sets us up for failure and remands us into the care of the School of Hard-Knocks.

I’m inclined to believe that whomever concocted this notion of the American Dream probably believed wholeheartedly in the Big Bang Theory. I say this because both require the same, unfounded belief that if all of the components are available in nature then suddenly by some stroke of magic the human mind cannot fathom a great spark of some sort, all things will fall into place, and the end product will be greater than the some of its parts. BALDERDASH!!!! I can take all of the components for a washing machine, place them in a big box, then toss in a stick of dynamite and I guarantee you the end result will most assuredly not be an intact washing apparatus. So too, you can do everything according to the letter of the American Dream: Go to school, graduate from college, get a good paying job, marry a pretty whore who can do a mean Stepford Wife in a public setting, have 2.5 kids, buy a hypoallergenic dog, and set up shop in a gated community lined with White picket fences, and chances are the bottom will fall out of your unmerited bliss faster than your perfect lawn can fill in all of its bald spots.

You see, when the idea of the American Dream became the trending topic for the greater portion of this corporation, I mean, country’s elite, American greed had not fully acquiesced as the feisty foe it is today. And even in the absence of greed, can we honestly say that life in America has ever truly afforded the opportunity to make individual choices without the prior restrictions that limited people according to their class, caste, religion, race, or ethnicity? And when I ask this question, I am thinking of everyone, not just the hardships that Native and African Americans have had to endure. America has been built up as the land that flows with milk and honey, when in all actuality there’s a great deal of bile and feces floating in those murky tides as well.

But you see the Hatter’s sadness is not just born of American suffering. Oh no. There’s far too much world out there for for the Hatter’s sadness to be sequestered for American suffering alone. There are young girls across the world being stolen and sold as sex chattel. There are children who’ve eaten so little that their body’s are literally feeding on themselves. Exploitation, persecution, and maltreatment seem to be escalating at pandemic rates. There is little to no value for life.

Many of us are inclined to believe that the war between good and evil is being waged around us. I am of the mind that that war is taking place within us, one life at a time. It is in the helping hand we refuse to lend; the kind word we refuse to speak; the loving embrace we refuse to give. It is in the backbiting, deceit, lies, and theft we tender. It is in every lie we tell and every truth we withhold. It is in each syllable of gossip we spread and every ounce of envy and jealousy we maintain. Whomever first said that reality is stranger than fiction was indeed wise. We like to imagine that witches, warlocks, gargoyles, vampires, zombies, the boogeyman, and all other manner of creepy-crawly things that go bump in the night are the greatest threat, when in all actuality, humans are the most gruesome monsters on the face of the Earth.

CULTUREFUCK:

LIFETIME PRESENTS: A BATCH OF BULLSHIT THEY SHOULD’VE KNOWN BETTER THAN TO TOUCH

Wendy, Wendy, Wendy…..Igh’d be lying if Igh didn’t say that Igh was happy this blew up in your face, but since Black Twitter and the Meme Mob are handing you your muscular gooch on a silver platter, Igh’m not going to given you any more bumps and bruises. Instead Igh’d like to focus on Aaliyah’s family and how they continue to fuck up her legacy. Look, Aaliyah is not just y’alls. She is ours as well. She made the conscious decision to become an entertainer and thereby an integral part of many of our lives and for y’all to continually stand in the way of efforts to honor her legacy is a boiling glop of sloth shit. Igh could understand if y’all were actively trying to produce projects to honor her legacy yourselves, but neaux, y’all are just being shitty toward everyone who wants to honor her. Y’all got pissy with Drake when he wanted to produce new music for her and then y’all became a hurdle for this failed biopic attempt. Igh can understand the latter. Aaliyah was bigger than a Lifetime movie. She deserved to be on the big screen. But what the fuck are y’all doing to see her get there? And don’t tell me it’s too soon. She’s been deceased longer than she was famous.

Post Script:

Okay, seaux Igh said Igh wasn’t gonna really comment on the movie, primarily because Igh haven’t seen and because the backlash has been seaux phenomenal there’s probably very little Igh can add. However, Igh will say this, Igh full understand that the casting, acting, and script were a hot, steaming pile of Dik Dik shit, but WENDY WILLIAMS EXECUTIVE PRODUCED THE MUTHAFUCKA!!!!! Do y’all honestly think that Wendy Williams set out with the intention of honoring the musical legacy of Aaliyah. This IS Wendy Williams we’re talking about here….the messiest, most gossiping, linebacker-built bitch on television. Anybody who fooled themselves into believing that the was merely some sensationalistic bullshit to increase Wendy’s relevance is as dumb as the corn husk in my shit a couple of days ageaux. Of course the R. Kelly marriage scandal was the story she really wanted to tell. We may have loving referred to Aaliyahas “Baby Girl”, but she CLEARLY let us know that age ain’t nothin’, but a number and throwin’ down ain’t nothin’, but a thing. SHE HAD SOME GUILDED FUCKIN’ SKELETONS IN HER CLOSET Y’ALL!!!

Was Wendy wrong as her shape for exploiting a dead person for her own gain? Well, yeah, but Aaliyah ain’t trippin…..and her family has been assholes to everybody who has ever attempted to legitimately honor the legacy of Aaliyah (as Igh stated previously), seaux in my humble opinion they are partially at fault for the tragic bullshit. HOPEFULLY now that this fuck shit has thoroughly crashed and burned y’all will stop fuckin’ up the process and let something masterful be created to truly show the world what a resplendent light Aaliyah was and what a gift she was to both music and film. Otherwise her legacy will be marred with flops and Aaliyah wasn’t a fucking flop artist.

THESE FUCKIN’ MEMES THEAUX!!!!!!

Before Igh move on let me give a round of applause for both the creativity and hilarity of the muthafuckas behind these memes…..and memes in general. Y’all never cease to amaze me with how clever y’all can be with these hoes. That gotdamn EJ Johnson one had a nigga straight ROLLIN’!!!!!

CLUSTERFUCK: R. PETERSON

#DaddyDuty

Seaux last edition Igh talked about being present, but Igh couldn’t stop there with seaux much more to the lesson. As such, Igh’ll delve a little deeper into the thick of it.

Parenting is neaux SnapChat. It is a lingering balancing act that leaves you forever questioning your judgment. You want to have rapport with your son. You want a level of friendship, but you need to be priest, provider, protector, and preceptor. See generally in friendships there’s nothing at stake other than the friendship. That shit won’t fly here. Everything is at stake here. You must be his role model rather than his friend. His hereaux. His champion. His guide. If you struggle to distinguish yourself as his über Sensei rather than his homeboy, you will frazzle the fuck out of him when the time comes for you to correct his misbehavior.

Okay, a lot of y’all are gonna struggle with this either due to pride, machismeaux, or douche-baggotry. Whether y’all stayed together or not, you must always show his mother the utmost respect…..for the simple fact that she squeezed him out of her pleasure portal. Yup, even if she uses him to make you miserable. Even if she gets disrespectful. Even if she’s a fucking menstrual cycle in human form, don’t lose your cool. Now, Igh’m not suggesting you let her bitch you out. Fuck neaux. Never let anyone transgress against you if you have the power to thwart the attempt. Just don’t ever stoop to the level of someone who is behaving like a sphincter cramp…..especially not in front of your son. That is if you want him to grow up to be a man. Now if you want him to grow up to be a bitch ass nigga, then bitch out over petty shit in front of him. The Holy Ghost said somebody needed to hear that.

Igh’ve got dip back into the be present section a bit and delve deeper. Being present means more than physically being in the same room with your son. It means being mentally, emotionally, and spiritually in the moment with him. Capice?

Get ya mind right. Igh say that because Igh don’t want y’all to think that this is JUST about your boy. You should benefit from raising him. It should enrich you and inspire you to do and be better on a continual basis.

Alright, yeah, seaux you’ve gotta teach your boy the value of his word and how, once lost, it is exceedingly difficult to recover. The shit depreciates faster than a new car when handled incredulously. Kids like to lie. They just do. Neaux matter how many times they get caught, they keep trying to get better at it. You’ve gotta let lil dude know that liars have neaux one to rely on because neaux one is gonna have the back of a dude who can’t even live up to what he speaks.

Oh, and be very adamant in telling him not to lie on his dick. He surely doesn’t want word of his inability to measure up in the bedroom to spiral out of control. Tell him to under-promise and over-perform. #Yomp

CLUSTERFUCK: JOVAN ROSARIO

KIM KARDASHIAN

VICTORIA BECKHAM

RIHANNA FENTY

JENNIFER LOPEZ

KIM & KANYE

NICKI MINAJ

THE SPICE GIRLS

KRIS JENNER

TWO-FACE AND POISON IVY’S LOVECHILD

ANNE HATHAWAY

A DISNEY PRINCESS ALL HALLOW’S EVE

PRINCESS JASMINE AS CATWOMAN

KINGS OF DISNEY: JASMINE, MULAN, POCHAHONTAS, & ARIEL

PRINCESS ARIEL AS JESSICA RABBIT

PRINCESS MULAN AS MOULIN ROUGE

PRINCESS POCHAHONTAS AS QUEEN CLEOPATRA’S MUMMY

CIARA

GIRD YOUR LOINS: MIRANDA PRIESTLY

KANYE, NORTH, & KIM

KENDALL JENNER

JLO & IGGY

BEYONCE & NICKI

 

#YEEEEEEEEEEEEESH

Where the fuck is Wendy Williams or somebody because this nigga’s run nigga nigga joke got much more shine than his make out session with some nigga.  Here’s the thing, Igh don’t give a shit if Justin Bieber likes dudes. Igh don’t give a shit if he’s been using Selena Gomez as a beard. That’s not my business. What he fucks and sucks don’t make me nut.  Igh’m tryna figure out how in the fuck you mistakenly uploaded a picture of you sucking face with this nigga when you meant to upload this pic.

Like NIGGA, there’s is a process to loading a picture to any social media site. There are steps you must take before that picture escapes your phone to traverse the web. Seaux how in the fuck did you not notice that you were loading this picture? Nigga were you drunk or on a molly or some shit? Freudian slip? Anyway, Igh the Beliebers are fucking psycheaux seaux Igh’m just gonna be messy for a couple sentences. Hey bitch, Justin Biebers sucks dick…..literally!!!!! Hey bitch, Justin Bieber is a power bottom…..literally!!!!! Hey bitch, Justin Bieber sleeps in leopard leggings.

“Of course, I think that people are just waiting for that time when I make a mistake and they’re gonna jump on it…. There’s gonna be haters.” – Justin Bieber Would this qualify as one of those times bruh? Am Igh just hatin because you fucked up and posted a pic of you slobbin’ down some nigga? Neaux indeed. Neaux hate here. Just the facts, ma’am.

“It’s not me trying to act or pose in a certain way. It’s a lifestyle – like a suaveness or a swag, per se. -” Justin Bieber OH!!!!! Well Clarissa explains it all Igh think Igh’ve got it. You ain’t gay my nigga. You were just posing in this pic…..being suave and swagged out and shit. Igh can dig it. My bad.

“I want my world to be fun.” – Justin Bieber

CULTUREFUCK

https://soundcloud.com/triston-for-dummies/one-puff-the-colorado-remix

Seaux now that everyone can walk down the hollowed halls of hell, Igh mean matrimony, regardless if they have matching genitalia or not, Igh am literally sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for these lawmakers to stop playing with millions of people’s emotions and just geaux ahead and legalize marijuana.

Let’s keep it all the way 100….they’ve really run out of arguments against it. They tried to lie and play like marijuana use fucks up your ability to drive, but ask me have they been able to produce any evidence to substantiate this claim. HYFR!!!!! If anything, weed makes you more aware of things that would normally not capture your attention. Just think of the way it heightens the senses. Well, hand-to-eye coordination is a huge component of driving, and sight is a sense seaux it stands that smoking weed would actually enhance your ability to drive, not diminish it.

If you ask me, there are some folks employed by the United States government who work part-time for the Mexican Drug Cartels and they know that legalizing marijuana will put a dent in the drug both the drug cartels’ pockets and their own pockets. Either that or there are some scary bitches working for the U.S. Government and they actually fear the retaliation of the drug cartels. But considering the fact that our military is straight goon, Igh sure the fuck hope the holdup is not the result of a batch of scary ass, punk ass bitches sitting on Capitol Hill. That better not be the reason people are being denied the opportunity to live healthy, holistic lives.

Then these hoes tried to play like marijuana causes brain damage. NEAUX MUTHAFUCKA MCDONALD’S CAUSES BRAIN DAMAGE YA BISH!!!!! Y’all got weed mixed up with Xstacy my nigga!!!!! And the media gets on my fucking nerves. This whole brain damage lie started because the media saw a study conducted in France, misinterpreted the findings, and ran with the shit. First of all only 40 fucking people participated in the fucking study, which did in fact show that the brains of heavy smokers showed differences in areas related to cognitive and emotional processing from the brains of non-smokers. But here’s the fucking kicker. That shit is general as fuck and like most stories the media runs, they didn’t contact the source nor investigate beyond the generalization to see what the fuck it actually means. Well, the researchers came forward and put shit in perspective, stating that “show a correlation, with no clear indication whether cannabis changes brain structure or if people with certain brain structures are more likely to enjoy marijuana.” BISH WHET? Where the fuck is brain damage in that explanation? The media ain’t shit but hoes and tricks.

Then y’all know they be tryna convince niggas that weed is physically addictive. Okay to be fair, Igh should report that 9% of weed smokers do become addicted, but this right here is gonna fuck you up. Weed is, for the most part, illegal, right? And alcohol and tobacceaux are legal right? Well 14% of muthafuckas become addicted to liquor and 24% become addicted to tobacco seaux y’all can take that measly 9% and suck its tip…..ya bish.

NIGGA MORGAN FREEMAN SMOKES WEED!!!!! Did you hear me? My bad, read me! Igh said MORGAN “THE NIGGA WHO PLYAED GOD” “THE NIGGA WHO BEEN OLD LONGER THAN HE’S BEEN FAMOUS” “THE NIGGA WITH CALIFORNIA RAISIN ON HIS DIMPLES” FREEMAN SMOKES WEED!!!! Nigga cancel Christmas. When old muthafuckas like Morgan “One Silver Hoop” Freeman start advocating for some shit, it’s time for change.

They say weed makes you lazy. BITCH!!!!! Have you checked the obesity rate lately. Muthafucka McDonald’s makes you lazy. And why the fuck are you seaux concerned about a muthafucka’s motivation when that muthafucka isn’t feeding, financing, or fucking you? If a muthafucka wants to sit around and wallow in candy wrappers with his belly button exposed, MIND YEAUX GOTDAMN UGLY ASS BUSINESS BITCH!!!!! Then they wanna say weed is more harmful to the lungs because people smoke it without a filter. Nigga cigarettes have cyanide and yak piss in em and shit. Them hoes need a fuckin filter. God seasoned weed to perfection and Igh think God knows better than any muthafucka on the face of this planet. You know what…..fuck what else they say. The defense should’ve rested at Morgan Freeman.

 CLUSTERFUCK

Igh’ve been Triston for Dummies. Igh report. You decide.

 

AND NEAUX IGH DIDN’T PROOFREAD, SHIT!!!

 

 

Triston for Dummies Thursdays: October 16, 2014 Edition – Igh Bet You Won’t Come From Behind That Keyboard Theaux

Let’s keep it fat man ARMPIT FUNKY

→ we all do it either RELIGIOUSLY

or unintentionally, but it gets done. We might CHILD’S PLAY like we don’t when we get around a certain echelon people → but we do it → even if we’re just listening and not really saying anything.

We bash celebrities. We GOSSIP about shit that has absolutely nothing to do with us outside of being spectators of it.

We say shit BEHIND PEOPLE’S BACKS even if we have NO QUALMS about kickin’ that same verse TO THEIR FACE and → blahzay → blahzay → whoopty pop.

We do it because it’s entertaining. All bullshit aside, if the right person has taken the lead in the commentary, talking about people can be as entertaining as television…even more entertaining at times. It makes us laugh. It makes us feel better about ourselves. It’s just a part of HUMAN NATURE

at this point. But…some of you bastards take the shit a little too far.

What Igh wanna comment on is how fuckin opinionated and vicious EVERYONE has become. Igh swear to everything’s that’s green on the face of the Earth it’s like people these days derive some sick sense of enjoyment out of mollywhopping any and everybody from TRAYVON MARTIN

 MIKE BROWN

(yes I’ve seen some deplorable bullshit written about these poor young men. Surprisingly there were none of Jordan Davis.) to Snooki (no comment → Igh love her persona)

and it’s usually in written format on some Blog designed to elicit such malicious badinage. It’s as though certain celebrities are triggers in the mind’s of these people and when they see that person’s name, something within them snaps and they sprout fangs and their eyes turn black and shit and they literally transform into VICIOUS, SNARLING BEASTS with a blood-thirst for the status certain individuals have attained.

Mind you we tend to forget that behind all the pomp, circumstance, glitz, glam, red carpets, video shoots, and big budget stage productions and what not → these are human beings who did not forfeit their human feelings when they signed recording contracts or sporting contracts and shit like that. They still bleed and shed tears like we do.

Death to whomever started this “HATER” epidemic because they are responsible for this venom.

Yeah y’all thought y’all were shedding light on people who be out there wishing ill will on the successful → but what has happened is like a hater demon has possessed → well shit all of us. People bash Beyonce’ for so many reasons Igh can’t be bothered to list them.

They bash Fantasia for swag surfin’ between the sheets with that light-skinned dude with the good hair and for her reading struggle (after she had a come to Jesus meeting about it in the hope that it would bring attention to adult illiteracy).

They bash Jennifer Hudson for her weight-loss → talking about her head is way too big for her body now and sayin’ she’s in The Lollipop Guild and has parentheses on her face.

They bash Wendy Williams for her stature & wig addiction and say she should be a starting lineman for the Lingerie Football League (but she talks so much shit about people it’s kinda like poetic justice).

They bash Kim Kardashian for her alleged vaginal escapades and lack of talent → but who needs talent when you’re desirable, understand business, and already came from money? Then you have the bitches (MALE & FEMALE) talkin about she only got famous because she sucked. And you didn’t get famous for sucking dick?eating pussy/eating ass. You mad or nah?

THERE WERE LITERALLY SEAUX MANY, IGH HAD TO CUT MYSELF OFF!!!!!

They bash Brandy for that car wreck she had years ago and slander her with insults like have a seat murderer. And folks are still hung up on the fact that she lied about being married because she was pregnant and of course at the time, only girls considered “heauxz” were getting pregnant out of wedlock. Fuck if you were in a long-term relationship.

They loved Frank Ocean → until he let them know that forever was actually a man he was thinkin’ about. And trust and believe Igh geaux hard all damn day on certain archetypes that amuse me too → so don’t think Igh’m throwing stones → because Igh have a pocket full weighing me down as well.

We → as a society → pop mad shit about BULLYING and pretend we have issues with it → but truth be told → there are times when we find the shit amusing.

THIS HAS ABSOLUTELY NOT A GOTDAMN THANG TO DO WITH BULLYING, BUT IT AMUSED ME AS IGH WAS SEARCHING FOR MEMES LOL!!!!!

AND THAT’S MORE OFTEN THAN NOT. People teach their kids that “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Try telling that to the countless kids and Igh stress KIDS who’ve taken their own lives because of incessant teasing and verbal bullying. The movie BULLY even depicted an 11-YR OLD who’d taken his own life because of bullying, seaux telling kids to have thick skin and suck it up is like telling them it’s OKAY TO BE MADE FUN OF AND PICKED ON because it’s a part of growing pangs. The problem is that distinctions between teasing and bullying aren’t being taught, seaux many times the antagonist fails to think much of the impact that their words are having or to see beyond a simple statement and how it can adversely affect someone’s emotional statement which in turn can lead to other issues.

Okay, okay, okay Igh got a little sidetracked and hot under the collar right there, but Igh did seaux because it would be one thing if these vicious attacks were reserved only for celebrities, but they aren’t. Everybody’s going in on everybody. You could argue that celebrity bullying is an occupational hazard that comes as a consequence for fame, but when your average Joe is getting memed and ridiculed across the planet, things have spiraled out of control → now back to these cyber-bullies. Here’s what 187s me → Why is it that jokers who soapbox about their alleged loathing of certain celebrities are the very ones who stalk their every itch, scratch, fart, sniff, and public gaffe? What kind of fucked up, backwoods type of hatred is that which makes one obsess about every move the object of one’s supposed disdain and disgust makes? Peep game → in high school → for instance → if Igh didn’t fuck with somebody on a friendship type of level → Igh sure as hell didn’t sit with them at assemblies. Igh didn’t accompany them to Pizza Hut, Taco Bell, or Burger King for lunch. Igh didn’t attend sporting events they participated in with the sole intention of returning to school and bad-mouthing their performance. So what type of one flew over the cuckoo’s nest individual subtracts time from their existence to spew venom about someone they can’t stand → on a continual basis at that #SweetBrown. The answer to that question would be someone who needs to invest wholeheartedly into a reputable LIFE COACH!!!!!

It’s one thing if you’re asked directly what your opinion of a celebrity (or some average Joe on Facebook even) is → but it’s a horse of an entirely different color for you to plop your self-righteous, indignant, pseudo-bourgeois, he who is without sin lookin’ ass down to log onto your computer or phone apps several times a day seeking whom you may devour with your scripted bile.

That being said, pawn your lace-front wig and loose leaf tracks at the Korean beauty supply store and buy you some business.

They say karma’s a bitch → but she’s far more than spiteful, overbearing, and lewd. She’s a vindictive life assassin whose calculated interruptions to the placidity of your life are stealthy and often far outweigh the original offense you committed and Igh hope she’s on her period when she comes for yeaux ass. Seaux geaux right on ahead and continue to vomit your unfavorable opinions all over the blogosphere. When people start gossiping about you at church and in the workplace and jeopardize your good standing in the community and shit like that, don’t play the victim role for you wrote an open-ended invitation for that backlash, so suck it up.

HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE

The Unicorn Shit Section

Saturday, October 11, 2014 8:02P – It’s seaux polite dogs and cats cover their excrement.

8:23P – My sister just got off the phone with me because she was nervous that she and her husband were driving near the Mexico border. Ó_ò

8:24P – My son just told his friends that he’s a god.

9:36P – When you flush the toilet and piss in perfect synchronicity. #GodWink

10:44P – Thanks for the cookies even theaux Igh had to break them up into little pieces and pop them like they were aspirin.

Sunday, October 12, 2014 8:58A –

9:03A – 

9:06A – 

9:09A – 

9:12A – https://soundcloud.com/chris-qainey/august-alsina-ft-chris-brown

9:13A – 

9:15A – 

9:19A – https://soundcloud.com/chrisbrownrca/tuesday-remix-chris-brown-trey-songz

9:26A – 

9:29A – 

9:34A – 

9:42A – At my funeral, when they lower me into the ground, Igh demand that “Don’t Drop That Thun Thun” be played!

12:40P – What’s the point of being alive if you don’t at least try to do something remarkable?

12:47P – Farm girls give the best hand jobs. NARF!

2:08P – Igh wonder whose bright idea it was to pair Avant with the Ying Yang Twins.

2:48P – Just soaking my feet in peroxide. That’s all.

5:09P – You now have the privilege of hearing a dog speak in tongues under the influence of the Holy Ghost!! 🙌

10:03P – Discovered the muthafuckin egg foo yung sandwich.

Monday, October 13, 2014 7:02A – My palm is itching. Come thru money!!!!!

8:08A – OMFG listen to this common fangtooth aka Anoplogaster cornuta hit a C above High C during birth https://soundcloud.com/triston-for-dummies/pretty-boy

8:23P – Putting lotion on ashy ranks right up there with an orgasm or shit relief.

8:53A – 

8:55A – 

9:00A – 

9:16A – 

9:32A – While Igh laughed til Igh almost pooted listening to snippets of Traci Braxton’s cd, Tamar was wrong as shit as a sister for that snarky as tweet –> Do the Grammys have a duet with auto tune category yet? Cause…💺👎 <– even theaux the shit is funny, you don’t do that to your family. But how this heaux gon name her CD “Crash & Burn” knowing good and damn well she sing like Cleveland Brown. The Recording Academy should lend her a Grammy just seaux she can bloop Tamar.

9:54A – Instagram filters are like Vaseline for some of y’all muthafuckas dusty ass lives. Mine included. My whole town is dusty. Everywhere Igh take a picture is dusty. Except city hall…..which is a renovated school. #TheSticks #SmallTownBoy #NeauxScenery Oh Igh forgot about the Hilton. It’ll be dusty in a year after it’s been sufficiently ran thru by our dusty asses.

10:07A – MUST LISTEN!!! Audio of Joan Rivers (RIP) performing Busta Rhymes verse on 🎶Look at Me Now🎶 https://soundcloud.com/triston-for-dummies/eidexis-beautiful-9

10:16A – Lawton is Satan’s trap house.

10:47P – #PimpSquadBaby 

10:54A – http://vigilantcitizen.com/latestnews/amanda-bynes-tweets-fathers-abuse-microchip-brain-now-involontary-psychiatric-hold/?utm_source=wysija&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Bynes+Email

10:58A – Igh just wanna look brilliant in my boxer briefs.

11:16A – BREAKING: @amandabynes releases DubStep remix to Celine Dion’s 🎶My Heart Will Go On🎶 #Listen https://soundcloud.com/triston-for-dummies/ill-keep-fucking-with-you-the

11:48A – Same dick. Different mouth.

12:29P – 💮 

1:40P – Sharkeisha might punch like Mike Tyson, but her voice is as sweet as Aaliyah’s! Check out her 🎶Careless Whispers🎶 rendition https://soundcloud.com/triston-for-dummies/eidexis-beautiful-9

“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

How every chick be when HOT NIGGA come one!!!!!!

Ratchet mufuckas and the news. #DonnaGoodeau #CharlesRamsey #SweetBrown #AntoineDodson #OilAndWater

Igh don’t think my celibacy took…..like a kiddie perm in third world naps. And that the fuck is a wolf sandwich? Sounded like mean pussy to me. #Yomp #Bussit

This just made me speak in tongues. COME THRU HOLY GHOST!!!!! #Ferguson #DrCornelWest

Quiet as kept, there a little nerd who rests his head on my heart each night when Igh sleep and when he saw these 4 pics below, he jizzed and it gave me heartburn. His name is Egbert and he doesn’t like marinara sauce or EDM. He’s crazy about dubstep theaux.

And now Egbert is resting again.

IN THE PAST 40 YEARS, EARTH HAS LOST 50% OF ITS WILDLIFE!!!!!!!!!!

THIRD WHEEL NATION CUHH!!!!! #LookAtMyFace #TakeMeHome #FuckAllOfYall #IghCouldBeJackingOffRightNow

CLEARLY IGH HAVE NEAUX FUCKIN FRIENDS BECAUSE NEAUX GOTDAMN BODY TOLD ME ABOUT THE FREAK SHIT THAT GOES DOWN ON TWITTER. HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR ONE OF MY FOLLOWEES FAVORITING AND RETWEETING SOME NASSY SHIT, IGH’D STILL BE IN THE DARK…..YA BISH!!!! SHOW ME THE NAUGHTY!!!!

@ellecatherin @darlin_nikki69 @SouthernKGirl @JerseyGirl1316 @MsKariiBabii @SammyGirl1969 @1untamedgirl @yourgirlinaz pic.twitter.com/UmyU5WRWWq

— Get Lucky (@getluckyaz) October 12, 2014

 

https://twitter.com/inyourbed42/status/521739778111586306

https://twitter.com/inyourbed42/status/509081653256654848

https://twitter.com/inyourbed42/status/521738960914374656

https://twitter.com/satguy3/status/521734748990091265

ANYBODY NEED A WET WIPE OR A MOIST TOILETTE? NARF!!!!!

They claim this will be the first fight Mayweather can’t buy his weight out of. EXCELSIUM GIRDETH YE LOINS!!!!!

AND THAT 9 MINUTES OF EXTRA SLEEP DON’T DO SHIT, BUT MAKE YOU REGRET NOT GETTING UP THW FIRST GOTDAMN TIME!!!!

IGH THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE IT’S TIME FOR LIL WAYNE TO UPGRADE HIS LOOK. IGH’M A FAN OF LOCS, BUT HE STARTIN’ TO GET THAT DUSTY LOOK AND WELL, NIGGA YOU MAKE TOO MUCH FUCKIN MONEY TO LOOK MUSTY AND DUSTY!!!!! #YOMP

MAAAAAAAAAAAAAN LOOK!!!! BITCH BETTER BUY A DILDO AND A LIFE-SIZED TEDDY BEAR FOR THEM LONG, NASSY NIGHTS. KEEP POPPIN’ PUSSY FOR AIN’T SHIT NIGGAS AND YOU GON WIND UP WITH AIN’T SHIT PUSSY MY NIGGA!!!!!

AND OTHERS SUCCEEDED BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN THEIR DREAM AND WEREN’T ABOUT TO LET AOWN (THAT’S SUPER COUNTRY FOR ANY) BITCH STAND IN THE WAY OF THEIR SUCCESS. KNOCK A MUTHAFUCKA DOWN IF THEY PRESENT THEMSELVES A HURDLE!!!!!

THEN BE LIKE: 1. Um, is there another question I can help you with? 2. And this is 4th grade work? 3.That’s why yeaux stupid ass need to be paying attention in class!!!!! 4. I don’t send you to school seaux I can do your work for you!!!!! 5. Hold on. I left something on the stove (45 minutes later) I’m sorry baby. Did you figure it out?

THAT IS ALL.

AIN’T SHIT IGH CAN DO WITH ONCE-DEAD MUFUCKA. IGH LOVE ALL OF MY DECEASED PEOPLE STILL TO THIS DAY, BUT IGH’VE COME TO TERMS WITH THEIR PASSING AND SINCE NONE OF THEM WAS A BILLIONAIRE…..IGHMMA NEED THAT MONEY…..IN ALL ONES!!!! #UNMARKED

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IGH ALMOST DIED AT THAT SPLIT!!!!!!!!!!

   

5:28P – Igh view a laugh and an orgasm the same way. As long as Igh get one, neaux one else matters. #Yomp

Tuesday, October 13, 2014

7:13A – Bruh!!! Listen to Whoopi Goldberg sing Weird Al Yankovic’s 🎶Amish Paradise🎶 https://soundcloud.com/triston-for-dummies/one-puff-the-colorado-remix

10:06A – Igh performed this entire song using the Darth Vader method of breathing while wearing Spanx https://soundcloud.com/triston-for-dummies/perfectly-clear

12:33P- Remember when people had mirrors in other places within their home besides the bathroom? Igh’m sick of bathroom selfies.

7:33P – 

@JerseyGirl1316 @tmatthews1005 @SouthernKGirl @yourgirlinaz @1untamedgirl Very nice, almost there. I'm there. pic.twitter.com/3Yum3QVljc

— Get Lucky (@getluckyaz) October 15, 2014

Wednesday, October 14, 2014 9:31A

10:10A – Let me catch up on the BET HIPHOP AWARDS

10:20A – The Taylor Gang cypher was like watching an elderly couple slow grind: awkward, boring, yet slightly laughable. Why come Igh could see the veins in Wiz Khalifa’s kneecaps through his pants theaux?

10:29A – The Lil Mama Brooklyn Cypher:

Why come Troy Ave look like the deacon who wears a blue suit and has a pink blotch in the center of his black lips? He look like he sell fish plates and hot water cornbread after service.

 

Detroit Che is a beast. She went in, came back out, looked around, saw that neauxbody was hittin on shit, and went in again. That is all.

Glad Igh watched the cypher before Igh saw this.

And Dee-1 sounds just like her. Ba! But he wrecked. He kinda look like J. Cole in a dreadlock wig theaux. #ThatTooth.

Logic is a dope kid. That Opie Taylor with a dope look might be a seller, but he kinda looks like Little Debbie….the snack cake heaux, not the rapper!! The kid is a beast on the mic theaux.

Lil Mama was far too animated for that etch-a-Sketch 8 bars she performed. Igh’m sure at this point she realizes people think she’s a joke seaux she should really stop doing shit reminiscent of a jester. Sad part is the only place we’ll probably ever hear these people is on ViewHipHopEarly.com on Twitter or whatever the hell it’s called.

LY MURKED THIS RIGHT HERE THEAUX!!!!!

10:54A – The Treach Cypher:

WAYMENT!!!! Where’d the find the carcass of Treach at? Vic Mensa’s hair looks like an accident….like fried, dyed, and lain by the wayside. And he has a speech impediment that could warrant a disability check. He spittin, but David Banner is distracting me behind him lookin like a greasy Colonel Sanders selling bean pies and shit.

KID IS MADD DOPE!!!! AND THIS SONG AND VIDEO ARE THE DEFACATION BRUH!!!!!

Snow Tha Product. She…..cute. Like she could get it. She needs to sort out her breathing a bit. She wrecked it theaux. Igh think. Igh needed Rosetta Stone or Google Translate for 3/4 of it. Joseline gon She-Hulk that ass for that shade at the end theaux. Damn shame that that particular name drop was the highlight of your verse theaux. #PopCulture.

King Los’ wordplay is phenomenal. He was dressed like Beyoncè theaux. #NiggazInParis #FaceAss. Kinda ironic that the name of the song below is “Woke Up Like Dat” LOL!!!!!

Treach tried. Igh mean he didn’t just suck flat out, but you could definitely tell that the art form has progressed since he was in his prime. He started strong, but glimpses of the 90s started flickering within his cadence at times.

David Banner is my hero…..lacefront beard and all. Round of applause for silencing the music seaux that the enunciation of every fiber of frustration you felt exiting the tip of the felt could be felt by the audience. Your words were both powerful and poignant. SALUTE!!!!! #NeauxBargaining #Justice

IS DAVID BANNER OLDER THAN TREACH?

11:18P – The Papoose Cypher: Jarren Benton…first of all it took me long as shit to write his name because racist ass Siri kept changing the shit to Kareem! The tail on this niggas’ Daniel Boone hat was longer than Lisa’s train in Coming to America. Oh neaux it’s not. Igh’m just having hallucinations in the absence of my nerds. He bodied the cypher…..slightly. Igh just hate when rappers are more animated than their voice.

Whoa! Igh thought Corey Charron was retarded when he first started. Frfr. Eh <– his verse left something to be desired.

Seaux this Papoose/Remy Ma tag team verse theaux. Theeeeeeeey coulda kept that shit. It was cheesy, corny, and only had a couple two three reputable punchlines. Remy’s cleavage was a show stopper theaux and did Igh detect a little Nicki hate couple with a slight Beyonce obsession? Hmmmmm.

11:40A – The Loaded Lux Cypher:

Well how uncool am Igh? Never even heard or saw the name Lord Lux before, but he’s on BET and Igh’m not. #SmirkEmoji Oops –> it’s Loaded Lux. #YikesEmoji. Who are these niggas? O.T. Genasis is moving around like Forest Gump before he ran his leg braces off! That shit was fuckin awkward….on some Igh got uncomfortable for you while Igh was watching you type shit. He can rap, but he needs to find his X factor because something is getting lost in translation.

​#ThewThewThewYeauxStylistForThatVideo #LeatherFatigues

All Igh think about when Kevin Gates is in my eyes is bad breath. Hot, thick spit in the corners of ya mouth, tongue kinda ashy breath. Is this nigga fat or skinny theaux? Old Build-A-Bear built ass!! Nigga look like he eat bread slices and graham crackers for snacks all day. Oddly enough, this was my first time hearing him wrap. I’ve heard him in several interviews, but have never taken an interest enough to you to one of his songs. The man can actually wrap. He still eat booty theaux. #YuckEmoji.

​Clark Kent Igh mean G-Eazy….in that every cypher had a token White person this year it seems. Neaux seriously that was a complete thought. Ok, he can rap, but it wasn’t to the point that Igh’m clamoring to hear his music. (It was at this point that Igh remembered what Igh’d written my blog about. Such a fucking hypocrite LOL, but in my defense, Igh did admit that Igh’m guilty of the shit too. SMMFH we gotta do better!!!!!

Tbh by the time Loaded Lux came on, Igh was tired of listening to cyphers. Igh heard words that were exceedingly clever, but Igh really watching the seconds run out.

2:43P – Seaux Kevin Gates and Young Thug both feel it’s not the responsibility of artists to speak on social issues. Gates seemingly has the propensity to engage in intellectual conversation regarding issues that affect the world, the Black community, etc. yet continually uses the weak ass phrase “Igh cannot speak intelligently about a situation Igh know nothing about” to absolve himself from accountability for his opinions while Young Thug reverts to the most niggardly shit Igh’ve seen in an interview in a moment. He defers to having fun and living the life rather than even attempting to proffer a response.

These types of apathy (Gates) and ignorance (Thug) are what’s wrong in the world today. SMMFH!!!! Kudos to Charlamagne the God for being aware enough to understand the importance of speak up about things that matter universally.

3:01P – The server crashed when Igh was watching these cyphers earlier….and this is truly the best one of em all.

Well, it’s been real. Igh’ve got some shit to do, but Igh hope y’all enjoy. Now geaux perform oral sex on a random stranger!!!!! And now Igh leave you with poetry in motion. lol