https://soundcloud.com/triston-for-dummies/perfectly-clear
What’s the damn deal pussy poppers and dick slangers? Igh hope you whores have had a blessed and highly favored week since Igh last chopped it up with y’all and Igh mean that from the bottom of my heart a little bit. Seaux every time Igh say Igh am going to take a break off from blogging or bitching and complaining or talking shit out the side of my neck or however the fuck it y’all are delineating my weekly musings, Igh come across something that inspires me to get back on top of this shit and pound it like pussy with neaux walls. Seaux without further ado (yes it’s ado, not or do ya bish)…..LEGGEAUX!!!!!!
Before Igh dive right into the blogging, let me take a moment to giveĀ the breaux Jacobi Isham a special shout out for the work he’s been putting in for the Winter 2015Ā release of his clothing line BOMBnCOMS!!!!! Igh love see young, Black men not only with vision, but with the dedication, commitment to hard work, and perseverance to see their vision come to fruition. Not to mention that the fact that he’s a fellow Lawtonian, seaux he gets my undying support off top!!!!! Igh implore each and everyone of you to take a moment and review his goods as well as lend your support to his endeavors. We must rally behind those who are trying to launch ventures locally seaux that we can contribute to their success. We as a community have grown accustomed to being leary of supporting one another wholeheartedly and this fucked up mentality has landed us at the bottom of the economic totem pole over and over again. Now is the time to set in motion actions that we allow us to rise above our current lot in life. Might as well start by supporting the breaux.
“Our Winter ’15 Collection is a 4-piece set comprised of a tee, hooded tee, hoodie, and a crew neck. All of our themes and designs are rooted in our name, Burdens On My Back & Chips On My Shoulders. In our debut collection we wanted to establish a brand presence that actually meant something. Check the link to the blog below for an in-depth look into each piece inĀ the collection.
We want to give value to customers lives, not just their closets. We plan on doing that by giving people a brand to relate to and be a part of, whether consciously or subconsciously. We believe that everyone has a come up of some kind and we want to embody a prevailing mentality regardless of what adversities stand in the way through high quality clothing. All of our products are made with 100% organic cotton and imported in from China.” – Jacobi Isham
http://www.bombncoms.com/blog/winter2015lookbook/
You can find us at:
Twitter/IG:Ā @BOMBnCOMS
http://instagram.com/p/u1RT8dBepb/
THROWBACK THURSDAY: 2001, A little something Igh wrote 13 years ageauxĀ #IghBeenOn
VANILLA vs. CHOCOLATE or CHOCOLATE-VANILLA SWIRL
Seaux it seems that BET has been on the come-up since its purchase by Viacom, but if you ask me, and really if you don’t, we need to take a closer look at what’s really going on. By taking an examining look, it becomes apparent that the networks’ authenticity is being sacrificed in order to make it more of a carbon copy of other networks (i.e. MTV & VH1) that have found success based upon the music video market. Let’s face it, the powers that be have ripped off every MTV show, bootlegged them, given them new names, and presented them to the BET viewing audience as an “all-new lineup of shows”. Think about it! Is 106 & Park not just the “Black” version of Total Request Live (TRL)? BET has BET Style, but if you think back, Cindy Crawford and Molly Sims both hosted MTV’s House of Style way before BET’s version was ever thought of and hit the airwaves. The Real World premiered on MTV over a decade ageaux and still garners a huge following for the network and now BET has College Hill, which is simply a low-budget knockoff of the original, with a slight twist, of course, in that it is focused solely on the collegiate population. The list goes on and as Igh make mention of a few more, Igh think you’ll begin to notice a pattern. For instance, MTV has Cribs, which reveals to the world just how lavish, lush, and luxurious our favorite celebrities are living and BET has, well what d you know, How I’m Living. MTV’s Making the Video grants the viewing public access to the behind the scenes footage that chronicles just what it took to produce a video and BET has Access Granted which achieves the same end.
MTV’s popular booze-fest, Spring Break, gives an inside look at how out of control both high school and college students get for the duration of about one week’s vacation during their Spring semester of school each year and BET’s Spring Bling, does exactly the same thing, only on a much smaller scale. Rap City’s Da Basement is a reincarnation of Yo! MTV Raps. Blowin’ Up Fatty Koo is most assuredly a rip off of Making the Band. Although they are no longer on the air, The Tom Green Show and Hits from the Street were definitely cut from the same cloth, or should Igh say someone stole pieces of reel from the cutting room floor at MTC and inserted Hits into the sketches. Then you have the MTV and BET Awards, enough said. It really is sad because it’s almost like BET is trying to keep up with the Jones’ on this as opposed to defining the face it presents to the world for itself. The network executives got rid of one of the most original and entertaining hosts that ever appeared on air, C.I.T.A. She defined BET in a way that all other hosts had been unable to do. She was smart, witty, sassy, sarcastic, aware, funny, and computer generated, seaux the scope of possibility in which she could be used was infinite. Igh must say that Igh am really disappointed that BET, the station that was supposed to retain the African-American interest at its heart, can now easily be called Black-face Entertainment Television or the Black Puppet Show, because Igh doubt very seriously that African-Americans are pulling the strings around there and am skeptical in believing that there are really any African-Americans who have any pull whatsoever. These are the ranting thoughts of me, Triston for Dummies. If you don’t like what Igh have to say then you are probably out of touch with reality, face it. Igh’ll geaux on record as saying that we as African-Americans have to do better for ourselves, otherwise Igh’ll continue to piss people off with my opinions. Igh’ll holla. #TBT
CLUSTERFUCK: Craola
Ā 
Ā 
Question:
Are selfies making us self-centered?
There’s a meme floating around that says something to the effect: WE SPEND MORE TIME LOOKING AT MIRRORS AND PHONES THAN WE DO LOOKING AT ACTUAL PEOPLE. It doesn’t matter where you geaux these days (Wal-Mart, car wash, Church’s Chicken, Laundromat, Quincinera, DHS, Bar Mitzvah, abortion clinic)Ā you are bound to see at least one person feverishlyĀ snapping pictures of themselves. We are out of fucking control with it…..in line at the grocery store or waiting for coffee at Starbuck’s, with the pastor after he’s prayed a pussy demon up out of you; in the hospital with tubes and machines hooked up to you; even inside the movie theatre while the movie has been underway for 30 minutes. People’s apartment building can be burning down and Igh guarantee you there’ll be at least one chick who just got her hair and eyelashes done trying to upload a quick pic in front of the flames because her edges are on FLEEK!!!!! Fuck the bride coming down the aisle, everybody wants a candid of themselves during her stroll. Igh’m willing to bet there are thousand upon thousand of selfies on Instagram right now that have been taken at some poor, unfortunate soul’s funeral. Neaux fucking chill in sight.
Igh’m guilty and Igh’ve been the victim of it. Igh’ve been out with a group of people trying to have a good time and not succeeding and it never fails that when the boredom or whatever the encumbrance too my good time becomes too much, Igh whip out my phone and start doling out seaux much light-skin face that the browner folks in my company start squinting and furrowing their brow without knowing why. Igh’ve alseaux had a chick whip out her phone and have an impromptu photo shoot on me. The sad part is, Igh didn’t even get offended. Igh hopped in a couple of hers to make some “usies”, then started snapping pics of myself. It’s like selfies are the new small talk. When all else fails, snap a selfie face ass.
Do y’all know how crazy we look to older generations? But hold up, what cracks me up more than anything are those people who love to snap pics of themselves, but swear up and down they don’t take selfies. Yeah okay nigga. And my momma don’t bake cakes either. She just cooks fluffy bread products with icing on them. It’s amazing to see the paradigm shift as people become more and more narcissistic. This is essentially why Igh’ve taken to calling everyone whores. It’s what we do. We prostitute our free time for likes and comments. Some of us will never admit it, but we crave the attention and are obsessed with the fleeting adoration. Igh’m just waiting for someone to say that they are addicted to notifications. WAYMENT!!!!!! Igh’ve already said that, seaux Igh guess Igh’m waiting to hear some other muthafuck to say it lol.
CLUSTERFUCK: artbyaz
The Sad Hatter
The American Dream is a national ethos of the United States, a set of ideals in which freedom includes the opportunity for prosperity and success, and an upward social mobility achieved through hard work. In the definition of the American Dream by James Truslow Adams in 1931, “life should be better and richer and fuller for everyone, with opportunity for each according to ability or achievement” regardless of social class or circumstances of birth. The idea of the American Dream is rooted in the United States Declaration of Independence which proclaims that “all men are created equal” and that they are “endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable Rights” including “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.ā #Wikipedia. We were raised on the teet of the American Dream. It both fed and nourished our very existence from the point at which we first developed cognitive thought. It guided us in the way we viewed the world and was at the helm of our aspirations.Ā It became our trusty steed waiting toĀ gallop us into the sunset of a bright and bustling future. It was to be our very ownĀ Manifest Destiny.Ā
Ā The problem with the American Dream is that it doesn’t prepare us for the American reality. You see the American Dream doesn’t prepare you for the first time you’re called a nigger just for waking up with your soul encased within the very flesh that was chosen for you by whatever supreme power withholds the sovereignty to make such selections. The American Dream does not prepare you for that pedophile in family friend’s clothing who likes to prey upon the weak and defenseless when no one with enough strength to intervene is looking. The American Dream does not prepare you for racial profiling, being falsely accused of date rape, gender inequality, and IRS audits.
The American Dream offers no tutorial in predatory lending practices, interest rates, or eviction notices. There are no guidance counselors standing by to assist you in traversing the landscape of a diminished job market. There are no mentors within reach to show you how to balance your checkbook. You see the American Dream is very adept in teaching us to imagine what life could be, but it fails in preparing us for the horrors of what life really is: Prostitution, drug addition, self-loathing, identity crisis, and mental illness. Rather than prepare us for anything, the American Dream essentially sets us up for failure and remands us into the care of the School of Hard-Knocks.
I’m inclined to believe that whomever concocted this notion of the American Dream probably believed wholeheartedly in the Big Bang Theory. I say this because both require the same, unfounded belief that if all of the components are available in nature then suddenly by some stroke of magic the human mind cannot fathom a great spark of some sort, all things will fall into place, and the end product will be greater than the some of its parts. BALDERDASH!!!! I can take all of the components for a washing machine, place them in a big box, then toss in a stick of dynamite and I guarantee you the end result will most assuredly not be an intact washing apparatus. So too, you can do everything according to the letter of the American Dream: Go to school, graduate from college, get a good paying job, marry a pretty whore who can do a mean Stepford Wife in a public setting, have 2.5 kids, buy a hypoallergenic dog, and set up shop in a gated community lined with White picket fences, and chances are the bottom will fall out of your unmerited bliss faster than your perfect lawn can fill in all of its bald spots.
You see, when the idea of the American Dream became theĀ trending topicĀ for the greater portion of this corporation, I mean, country’s elite, American greed had not fully acquiesced as the feisty foe it is today. And even in the absence of greed, can we honestly say that life in America has ever truly afforded theĀ opportunity to make individual choices without the prior restrictions that limited people according to their class, caste, religion, race, or ethnicity? And when I ask this question, I am thinking of everyone, not just the hardships that Native and African Americans have had to endure. America has been built up as the land that flows with milk and honey, when in all actuality there’s a great deal of bile and feces floating in those murky tides as well.
But you see the Hatter’s sadness is not just born of American suffering. Oh no. There’s far too much world out there for for the Hatter’s sadness to be sequestered for American suffering alone. There are young girls across the world being stolen and sold as sex chattel. There are children who’ve eaten so littleĀ that their body’s are literally feeding on themselves. Exploitation, persecution, and maltreatment seem to be escalating at pandemic rates. There is little to no value for life.
Many of us are inclined to believe that the war between good and evil is being waged around us. I am of the mind that that war is taking place within us, one life at a time. It is in the helping hand we refuse to lend; the kind word we refuse to speak; the loving embrace we refuse to give. It is in the backbiting, deceit, lies, and theft we tender. It is in every lie we tell and every truth we withhold. It is in each syllable of gossip we spread and every ounce of envy and jealousy we maintain. Whomever first said that reality is stranger than fiction was indeed wise. We like to imagine that witches, warlocks, gargoyles, vampires, zombies, the boogeyman, and all other manner of creepy-crawly things that go bump in the night are the greatest threat, when in all actuality, humans are the most gruesome monsters on the face of the Earth.
CULTUREFUCK:
LIFETIME PRESENTS: A BATCH OF BULLSHIT THEY SHOULD’VE KNOWN BETTER THAN TO TOUCH
Wendy, Wendy, Wendy…..Igh’d be lying if Igh didn’t say that Igh was happy this blew up in your face, but since Black Twitter and the Meme Mob are handing you your muscular gooch on a silver platter, Igh’m not going to given you any more bumps and bruises. Instead Igh’d like to focus on Aaliyah’s family and how they continue to fuck up her legacy. Look, Aaliyah is not just y’alls. She is ours as well. She made the conscious decision to become an entertainer and thereby an integral part of many of our lives and for y’all to continually stand in the way of efforts to honor her legacy is a boiling glop of sloth shit. Igh could understand if y’all were actively trying to produce projects to honor her legacy yourselves, but neaux, y’all are just being shitty toward everyone who wants to honor her. Y’all got pissy with Drake when he wanted to produce new music for her and then y’all became a hurdle for this failed biopic attempt. Igh can understand the latter. Aaliyah was bigger than a Lifetime movie. She deserved to be on the big screen. But what the fuck are y’all doing to see her get there? And don’t tell me it’s too soon. She’s been deceased longer than she was famous.
Post Script:
Okay, seaux Igh said Igh wasn’t gonna really comment on the movie, primarily because Igh haven’t seen and because the backlash has been seaux phenomenal there’s probably very little Igh can add. However, Igh will say this, Igh full understand that the casting, acting, and script were a hot, steaming pile of Dik Dik shit, but WENDY WILLIAMS EXECUTIVE PRODUCED THE MUTHAFUCKA!!!!! Do y’all honestly think that Wendy Williams set out with the intention of honoring the musical legacy of Aaliyah. This IS Wendy Williams we’re talking about here….the messiest, most gossiping, linebacker-built bitch on television. Anybody who fooled themselves into believing that the was merely some sensationalistic bullshit to increase Wendy’s relevance is as dumb as the corn husk in my shit a couple of days ageaux. Of course the R. Kelly marriage scandal was the story she really wanted to tell. We may have loving referred to Aaliyahas “Baby Girl”, but she CLEARLY let us know that age ain’t nothin’, but a number and throwin’ down ain’t nothin’, but a thing. SHE HAD SOME GUILDED FUCKIN’ SKELETONS IN HER CLOSET Y’ALL!!!
Was Wendy wrong as her shape for exploiting a dead person for her own gain? Well, yeah, but Aaliyah ain’t trippin…..and her family has been assholes to everybody who has ever attempted to legitimately honor the legacy of Aaliyah (as Igh stated previously), seaux in my humble opinion they are partially at fault for the tragic bullshit. HOPEFULLY now that this fuck shit has thoroughly crashed and burned y’all will stop fuckin’ up the process and let something masterful be created to truly show the world what a resplendent light Aaliyah was and what a gift she was to both music and film. Otherwise her legacy will be marred with flops and Aaliyah wasn’t a fucking flop artist.
THESE FUCKIN’Ā MEMES THEAUX!!!!!!
Before Igh move on let me give a round of applause for both the creativity and hilarity of the muthafuckas behind these memes…..and memes in general. Y’all never cease to amaze me with how clever y’all can be with these hoes. That gotdamn EJ Johnson one had a nigga straight ROLLIN’!!!!!
CLUSTERFUCK: R. PETERSON
#DaddyDuty
Seaux last edition Igh talked about being present, but Igh couldn’t stop there with seaux much more to the lesson. As such, Igh’ll delve a little deeper into the thick of it.
Parenting is neaux SnapChat. It is a lingering balancing act that leaves you forever questioning your judgment. You want to have rapport with your son. You want a level of friendship, but you need to be priest, provider, protector, and preceptor. See generally in friendships there’s nothing at stake other than the friendship. That shit won’t fly here. Everything is at stake here. You must be his role model rather than his friend. His hereaux. His champion. His guide. If you struggle to distinguish yourself as his Ć¼ber Sensei rather than his homeboy, you will frazzle the fuck out of him when the time comes for you to correct his misbehavior.
Okay, a lot of y’all are gonna struggle with this either due to pride, machismeaux, or douche-baggotry. Whether y’all stayed together or not, you must always show his mother the utmost respect…..for the simple fact that she squeezed him out of her pleasure portal. Yup, even if she uses him to make you miserable. Even if she gets disrespectful. Even if she’s a fucking menstrual cycle in human form, don’t lose your cool. Now, Igh’m not suggesting you let her bitch you out. Fuck neaux. Never let anyone transgress against you if you have the power to thwart the attempt. Just don’t ever stoop to the level of someone who is behaving like a sphincter cramp…..especially not in front of your son. That is if you want him to grow up to be a man. Now if you want him to grow up to be a bitch ass nigga, then bitch out over petty shit in front of him. The Holy Ghost said somebody needed to hear that.
Igh’ve got dip back into the be present section a bit and delve deeper. Being present means more than physically being in the same room with your son. It means being mentally, emotionally, and spiritually in the moment with him. Capice?
Get ya mind right. Igh say that because Igh don’t want y’all to think that this is JUST about your boy. You should benefit from raising him. It should enrich you and inspire you to do and be better on a continual basis.
Alright, yeah, seaux you’ve gotta teach your boy the value of his word and how, once lost, it is exceedingly difficult to recover. The shit depreciates faster than a new car when handled incredulously. Kids like to lie. They just do. Neaux matter how many times they get caught, they keep trying to get better at it. You’ve gotta let lil dude know that liars have neaux one to rely on because neaux one is gonna have the back of a dude who can’t even live up to what he speaks.
Oh, and be very adamant in telling him not to lie on his dick. He surely doesn’t want word of his inability to measure up in the bedroom to spiral out of control. Tell him to under-promise and over-perform. #Yomp
CLUSTERFUCK: JOVAN ROSARIO
#YEEEEEEEEEEEEESH
Where the fuck is Wendy Williams or somebody because this nigga’sĀ run nigga nigga joke got much more shine than his make out session with some nigga.Ā Ā Here’s the thing, Igh don’t give a shit if Justin Bieber likes dudes. Igh don’t give a shit if he’s been using Selena Gomez as a beard.Ā That’s not my business. What he fucks and sucks don’t make me nut. Ā Igh’m tryna figure out how in the fuck you mistakenly uploaded a picture of you sucking face with this nigga when you meant to upload this pic.
Like NIGGA, there’s is a process to loading a picture to any social media site. There are steps you must take before that picture escapes your phone to traverse the web. Seaux how in the fuck did you not notice that you were loading this picture? Nigga were you drunk or on a molly or some shit? Freudian slip? Anyway, Igh the Beliebers are fucking psycheaux seaux Igh’m just gonna be messy for a couple sentences. Hey bitch, Justin Biebers sucks dick…..literally!!!!! Hey bitch, Justin Bieber is a power bottom…..literally!!!!! Hey bitch, Justin Bieber sleeps in leopard leggings.
“Of course, I think that people are just waiting for that time when I make a mistake and they’re gonna jump on it…. There’s gonna be haters.” –Ā Justin Bieber Would this qualify as one of those times bruh? Am Igh just hatin because you fucked up and posted a pic of you slobbin’ down some nigga? Neaux indeed. Neaux hate here. Just the facts, ma’am.
“It’s not me trying to act or pose in a certain way. It’s a lifestyle – like a suaveness or a swag, per se. -” Justin Bieber OH!!!!! Well Clarissa explains it all Igh think Igh’ve got it. You ain’t gay my nigga. You were just posing in this pic…..being suave and swagged out and shit. Igh can dig it. My bad.
“I want my world to be fun.” – Justin Bieber
CULTUREFUCK
https://soundcloud.com/triston-for-dummies/one-puff-the-colorado-remix
Seaux now that everyone can walk down the hollowed halls of hell, Igh mean matrimony, regardless if they have matching genitalia or not, Igh am literally sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for these lawmakers to stop playing with millions of people’s emotions and just geaux ahead and legalize marijuana.
Let’s keep it all the way 100….they’ve really run out of arguments against it. They tried to lie and play like marijuana use fucks up your ability to drive, but ask me have they been able to produce any evidence to substantiate this claim. HYFR!!!!! If anything, weed makes you more aware of things that would normally not capture your attention. Just think of the way it heightens the senses. Well, hand-to-eye coordination is a huge component of driving, and sight is a sense seaux it stands that smoking weed would actually enhance your ability to drive, not diminish it.
If you ask me, there are some folks employed by the United States government who work part-time for the Mexican Drug Cartels and they know that legalizing marijuana will put a dent in the drug both the drug cartelsā pockets and their own pockets. Either that or there are some scary bitches working for the U.S. Government and they actually fear the retaliation of the drug cartels. But considering the fact that our military is straight goon, Igh sure the fuck hope the holdup is not the result of a batch of scary ass, punk ass bitches sitting on Capitol Hill. That better not be the reason people are being denied the opportunity to live healthy, holistic lives.
Then these hoes tried to play like marijuana causes brain damage. NEAUX MUTHAFUCKA MCDONALD’S CAUSES BRAIN DAMAGE YA BISH!!!!! Yāall got weed mixed up with Xstacy my nigga!!!!! And the media gets on my fucking nerves. This whole brain damage lie started because the media saw a study conducted in France, misinterpreted the findings, and ran with the shit. First of all only 40 fucking people participated in the fucking study, which did in fact show that the brains of heavy smokers showed differences in areas related to cognitive and emotional processing from the brains of non-smokers. But hereās the fucking kicker. That shit is general as fuck and like most stories the media runs, they didnāt contact the source nor investigate beyond the generalization to see what the fuck it actually means. Well, the researchers came forward and put shit in perspective, stating that āshow a correlation, with no clear indication whether cannabis changes brain structure or if people with certain brain structures are more likely to enjoy marijuana.ā BISH WHET? Where the fuck is brain damage in that explanation? The media aināt shit but hoes and tricks.
Then yāall know they be tryna convince niggas that weed is physically addictive. Okay to be fair, Igh should report that 9% of weed smokers do become addicted, but this right here is gonna fuck you up. Weed is, for the most part, illegal, right? And alcohol and tobacceaux are legal right? Well 14% of muthafuckas become addicted to liquor and 24% become addicted to tobacco seaux yāall can take that measly 9% and suck its tipā¦..ya bish.
NIGGA MORGAN FREEMAN SMOKES WEED!!!!! Did you hear me? My bad, read me! Igh said MORGAN “THE NIGGA WHO PLYAED GOD” “THE NIGGA WHO BEEN OLD LONGER THAN HE’S BEEN FAMOUS” “THE NIGGA WITH CALIFORNIA RAISIN ON HIS DIMPLES” FREEMAN SMOKES WEED!!!! Nigga cancel Christmas. When old muthafuckas like Morgan “One Silver Hoop” Freeman start advocating for some shit, it’s time for change.
They say weed makes you lazy. BITCH!!!!! Have you checked the obesity rate lately. Muthafucka McDonald’s makes you lazy. And why the fuck are you seaux concerned about a muthafucka’s motivation when that muthafucka isn’t feeding, financing, or fucking you? If a muthafucka wants to sit around and wallow in candy wrappers with his belly button exposed, MIND YEAUX GOTDAMN UGLY ASS BUSINESS BITCH!!!!! Then they wanna say weed is more harmful to the lungs because people smoke it without a filter. Nigga cigarettes have cyanide and yak piss in em and shit. Them hoes need a fuckin filter. God seasoned weed to perfection and Igh think God knows better than any muthafucka on the face of this planet. You know what…..fuck what else they say. The defense should’ve rested at Morgan Freeman.
Ā CLUSTERFUCK
AND NEAUX IGH DIDN’T PROOFREAD, SHIT!!!
thetristonfordummies 